hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
