Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
