Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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