holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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