dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
