Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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