so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
please don't ironically join a cult
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