legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
