I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize