i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
