My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
