my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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