their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
