I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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