Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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