Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize