using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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