I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
