So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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