I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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