She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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