omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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