chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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