He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
