Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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