You're completely useless in the revolution.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize