Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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