Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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