Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
