all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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