I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
