So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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