Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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