my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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