a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
