you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
