and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
