New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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