I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
