Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
