if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
