haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize