i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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