Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
