Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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