I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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