somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
