I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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