Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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