also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
