if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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