Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize