is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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