I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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