so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize