I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
