I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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