how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
