I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
