Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize