I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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