your thong is hanging out like whoa
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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