What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
