ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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