Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
