How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize