you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
