I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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