Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
