I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
