oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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