The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
