Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
