Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
