I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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