a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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