LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This house was built for laser tag.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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