am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
