we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just pee around me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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