matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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