omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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