Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
