Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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