If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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