I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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