Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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