thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
