I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
