i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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