Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
