Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
