Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
