OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
