to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
