Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
