I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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