You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
